Dating after 30 is easier and more exciting than may think...
Every beginning, even a repeat one, is scary.
Think of the rollerblades you never used to take off as a teen. Try to get on them now and we bet you’d be grabbing onto furniture like a toddler.
This is what dating in your 30s feels like in the beginning.
And, it doesn’t matter if your dating life was once prolific or centered around one person, everyone (re)starts off on wobbly feet. So, here we share 10 tips on how to get back in the dating game after 30.
But first, let’s count your blessings:
Dating After 30 Is, In Fact, Easier Because You Know Your Worth
Remember the first crush who rejected you.
Whether you were in your teens or early 20s, this probably toyed with your self-confidence, making you question: “Am I not good enough?”
At that point, you probably lived on their Facebook profile, analyzed every like, comment and reply; Strategized to intercept them ever-so-casually in their favorite coffee shop; offered tutoring classes, candy and your jacket when it got cold.
You tried really hard to get them to like you and give you the validation you were craving.
If you were to speak to that version of yourself now, we bet you’d give them a big warm hug and say: “You are more than good enough! You are wonderful and worth all the love in the world.”
And so you are!
In our 30s we no longer define ourselves by other people’s thoughts, words and actions; We define ourselves by our own. There is great power and comfort in this. If anything, you’ll no longer obsess over the people who are not worth the wonderful and lovable you.
Dates Get Better In Your 30s
By your 30s, you have evolved and so has the dating game.
Not only do you have more disposable income to make your dates more exciting than ever, but research also suggests that people become better versions of themselves in their 30s.
A study by the University of California, Berkeley, shows that this is the age when we become more agreeable and conscientious.
So, on the one hand, we have the resources for amazing dates, on the other, we have a dating pool of people who have matured into the best version of themselves. A win-win!
The 30s Dating Pool Is Not As Small As You Think
Let’s bust this myth!
The latest census (2016) indicates that as many as 38% of Americans in their 30s have never been married and 6-9% are divorced.
So no, the 30s dating pool is not limited; In fact, it is bigger than ever.
Now we know what you may say: “All the good ones are taken”.
Not so fast, my friend!
Most millennials who decide to get married later are well-educated, traveled and professionally accomplished. Besides, you are single too. And you are awesome.
Experience… There’s No Substitute For It
No wonder we become more agreeable and conscientious in our 30s; With experience, we have learned the consequences of our words and actions, as well as become more self-aware and empathic.
On the more technical side of things, from decision-making to communication skills, manners and moves 😏, the daters in their 30s have it all down!
You can expect emotional maturity and a wealth of experience - some surprising lessons too.
“Wait for three days before texting them.”
“Compliment the hot girl’s friend first.”
“Don’t use emojis!”
Now, flush them all down the drain.
You don't have the time or patience for the childish mind games. No one can fool you into liking them or vice versa.
In our 30s, communication becomes more transparent in the interest of valuing our own and other people’s time, as well as emotions.
We are adults now. Most of us act like it.
10 Tips For Dating After 30: How To Get Back In The Game
Get a cat.
Just kidding… unless you really wanted to get a cat. In that case, go to your local shelter and adopt one!
On a more serious note, here are the 10 tips to ease you back into dating and to help you make the most of it.
1. Figure Out If You Are Truly Ready
It is very easy to have your inner voice eclipsed by the social pressure and fear of loneliness.
Dating can be a lot of fun, but you have to be ready to enjoy it. It’s like clubbing. Clubs are fun, but not after a 16h workday when all you want is a shower and good night’s sleep.
Similarly, if you’ve just gotten out of a long relationship and/or a painful breakup, you may need to dedicate some time to yourself; Maybe not do an Eat-Pray-Love year-long journey across the world, but give yourself some time to recover and build the enthusiasm to get back in the game.
2. Listen to People Who Know You Best
As you are getting ready to meet new people, speak with those who know you best, especially if you are known to make “the wrong decisions” when it comes to dating.
Your family and friends have seen you through all the highs and lows. Most importantly, they have your best interest in mind.
So get candid and ask for their two cents’ on your past romantic choices and behavior.
Their input may surprise you. It could also give you meaningful insight into the motivations and mechanisms of your past choices, and in doing so, spare you future heartache.
We have to warn you to prepare yourself for the ‘I told you so’ from your mom.
To go old-school or online?
There are many ways to skin a cat… poor cat… Let’s try this again: There are many ways and channels in which you can meet new people.
From the wealth of online dating services to the bar and personal network acquaintances, the world is your oyster.
JustKibbitz is the happy blend of the two: It gives you the efficiency of online dating, and the security -and fun- of the traditional meet-through-friends-and-family route.
4. Recruit Help
Dating is time-consuming, especially once you go online and decide to cast your net wide.
You need to invest time in conversation, filtering, in-person meetings and follow-ups. But you don’t have to do this alone.
Recruit friends and family to help you out! It can help you expand your reach and make a bonding experience out of it.
In fact, we’ve recently proven that moms are the best matchmakers out there. Have your mom join JustKibbitz and see for yourself.
5. Go In With The Right Mindset: Look For A Person, Not A Relationship
This is where many get hurt, so listen very carefully.
We all have that one friend who keeps wondering why none of their dates turns into something serious. You may have been that person too.
If your primary goal is to find a relationship, you will try to fit anyone who seems like a good match into that vision.
This leads to a lot of potential issues including unnecessary compromises and the opportunity cost of the time wasted on a wrong person, or rather, motive.
Look for the right person instead. Take your time. Meet, communicate and observe. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
6. Set Up Multiple Dates
Even if a true gem crosses your path right away, there is no need to be hasty.
Besides, if we are talking online, over 70% of daters strongly agree that lying on dating profiles to increase desirability is quite common.
This doesn’t mean that the person you have really connected with isn’t what they seem to be, but it also doesn’t mean that you should put all your eggs into one basket.
Dating is a great way to meet some great people. Maybe one of them will be the right romantic match for you, but you are likely to meet a few friends along the way.
7. Dress To Impress
Forget about the old GQ and Cosmo advice to “try without looking like you’ve tried too hard.”
Feeling good about yourself is important for your comfort and self-confidence.
So you are not dressing up for them, you are -in fact- dressing up for yourself. Go ahead and hit that salon, put on that fancy blazer - go all in!
*Queue the movie make-over montage*
8. Get Creative; Each Date Is An Opportunity For A New Experience
Remember the college days when most of your dates would take place in a cheap beer pub or an on-campus coffee shop at best?
If you didn’t have a car, your options were even more limited. Now, as a 30-something-year-old, you have the means to enjoy dating to its full potential. Use it as an opportunity to try something new.
Visit a new restaurant, go paintballing or take a pottery class. (...yes, this is too reminiscent of the Ghost scene… maybe scrap the last one - definitely third date material).
9. Recycle Bad Dates Into Great Stories
Who doesn’t like a good bad date story? The makers of the Sex And The City have made a fortune out of it!
Now, we are not saying that you should be unkind nor that you should broadcast these stories to the world, but a Saturday brunch giggle can’t hurt anyone.
The truth is: A string of bad dates can become demoralizing. The best cure for this is to recycle it into a fun anecdote that can both entertain and educate you.
10. Take Your Time And Have Fun Along The Way. You’ll Know When It’s Right.
Try to enjoy every step of your journey. You may just realize that being single has its perks, and that this is a great time to learn and have fun.
Practice patience because, when the right person comes along, you will feel it.
In the meanwhile, (re)connect with your friends - tap into their network, meet new people, arrange coffee meetup, attend events and go clubbing.
And why not, reach out to your mom along the way? Scouting for dates, commenting on prospects (mom commentary can be hilarious as it can be surprising!) and watching her love every moment of it can be a priceless bonding experience.
Back To Dating In Your 30s?
Tell Us How It’s Going For You!
We love a good love story! 🕵️♂️
Send your 30s dating insights to firstname.lastname@example.org.